on burning down the apartment

"I don't think I can talk to you anymore."

"Why?"

"Because I have a crush on you"

"OK"

"And you are my ex girlfriend's sister and you said you didn't want things to be weird between us."

"Well, I don't think it would be weird, I mean, we couldn't date, I don't have that much experience with girls anyway, it would depend of if talking to me would be weird for you."

"I.."

"I have to go the oven is on fire!"

---

"Oh my God! Where is the fire coming from?!"

J: "It looks like it's coming from underneath the oven"

Cautiously, I pull out the oven's broiler and revealed is a flaming oven mitt.

M: "Do you have a fire extinguisher?"

Me: "No. I don't think so..."

M: "Well, we could put water on it, but if it's greasy at all, that would make the fire worse."

J: "So... what do we do?"

M: We need to smother it, do you have a pan you could put over it?"

I reach for a pan and lean over to smother the fire.

M: "Wait, be careful, you don't want to burn yourself! The fire is going down, anyway."

Me: "Don't be silly, I will be careful."

I toss the pan over the flaming oven mitt, and the fire is extinguished.

Beeeeep, Beeeep, Beeeeep, Beeeep, Beeeep, the fire alarms incessantly blare.

Me: "Shit. How do we make those stop? Where is that ladder?"

My roommate emerges from his room, followed closely by his girlfriend.

Me: "The oven caught on fire, there was an oven mitt in the broiler..."

Roommate: "We need to blow the smoke away from the alarms."

J grabs a chair and pulls it over to the blaring alarms, my roommate brushes past her with a large pillow in tow, lifting the pillow and waving it furiously over his head.

The door opens, A and S walk through the door.

A: "Oh my..."

Me: "We were making cookies and there was an oven mitt in the broiler and it caught on fire."

A: "Oh my God, I was walking through the hallway and I smelled smoke and I thought someone's apartment was on fire and then I was all 'Oh my God, it's our apartment and nobody is home!!'"

Me: "We handled it."