I'm Back, What?

hi internet!

Wow, can you believe I totally and completely forgot about this blog? What an awful person I am. There is a lot to update you about since my last post was on June 6, 2012. Which is OVER TWO YEARS AGO. C'mon, Mela, get it together.

Well, let's see here. I got married in early 2013, started a psychic business in early 2012, had a child in late 2014, and rescued an asshole cat whom I named Meatball in mid 2013.

I also moved across the country in 2012, but don't worry, I'm moving back across the country in mid 2015.

WOW, A LOT HAS HAPPENED!

Here's my website:

www.standuppsychic.com

and my blog that goes to that website:

standuppsychic.blogspot.com

and also my youtube channel that goes with that website:

www.youtube.com/standuppsychic

and twitter:

www.twitter.com/standuppsychic

and facebook:

www.facebook.com/standuppsychic


until next time (hopefully not over two years from now, internet!)

your friend,

Mela

my conversation with a bot

hi internet,

I have gotten a lot more spam in my email since I made my email address public. Just recently (about ten minutes ago) I got a message on gchat from a "Michelle Myott" what follows is our conversation. Please accept my apologies for the sometimes graphic nature. I find it the whole dialog to be hilarious, and i hope you will, too.


 Michelle:  ;)

 Sent at 7:32 PM on Wednesday

 me:  hi

 Michelle:  have we chatted before? 26/female here...you?

 me:  oh god, you're a bot

 Michelle:  if i was a bot ..why would i be wearing this hat?? lolz

 me:  um, i'm a rhinocerous, whatever scam you are running will not work on me

 Michelle:  scam wtf?!?

 me:  do i know you?

 Michelle:  i'm sorry ..i get to be forgetful at times!! how're you??

 me:  who are you?

 Michelle:  Just got out of the shower...long day been kind of busy! but i'm feeling naughty! want to have some fun?

 me:  hahahahaha ,hilarious

 Michelle:  gonna change my clothes ... want to see ? 

 me:  LOL

 Michelle:  http://myfreecamchats.com/QGRRRATA click the gold "Join Free" button at the top of my profile.....give it a second to load ..when you get in , I'd love for you to join me in private  ....k?

 me:  yeah, i knew you were a bot
i'd like to see you fuck your mother up her ass

 Michelle:  Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

 me:  bot is not a real person, if you were you would take offense to what i just said

 Michelle:  Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

 me:  form response
gleeble gleeble gleeble jibber jabber

 Michelle:  i use this site to play on cuz i don't want to be recorded !...this site doesn't allow users to record my webcam! you know?

 me:  uh huh, that's nice

 Michelle:  credit card is just to verify your age, you'll get in for free thru my page but you need to verify that you're an adult ...can't show ass and pussy to minors .. u know?

 me:  sure, i know, but see, i only like little boys

 Michelle:  let me know when you're done or if you need help ...i'll be gettin' ready for you ..K ?

 me:  i bet you will be

 Michelle:  brb.. 1 second ... got to restart my cam ...u coming?

 me:  but first you have to wash up, which will short curciut you


 Michelle:  k ur good let me know when you're in babe..

 me:  oh yeah, i'm here
where are you? i don't see you

 Michelle:  are you in yet?

 me:  yup

 Michelle:  well hey ..you better give me some "gold" when you're on the site lol..it's like a flirt and I'd love some from you ..k?

 me:  all the gold you need is up your mother's ass

 Michelle:  k

 me:  so you should get a flashlight and look way up there

 Michelle:  k

 me:  and if you can't find the gold, well that bitch hid it somewhere eles, and you'll have to torture it out of her

 Michelle:  make me your bitch

 me:  yeah and i'll call you my bitch bot

 Michelle:  make me your bitch

 me:  i would consider it if you weren't a mindless email collecting bot

 Michelle:  Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

 me:  bot bot bot bot bot bot bot

 Michelle:  uggh no i'm not are u???? lolz

 me:  i'm not the demographic you are looking to scam

 Michelle:  scam wtf?!?

 me:  yeah, scam
and whoever programed you did a shit job

 Michelle:  scam wtf?!?

 me:  your programmer is shit

 Michelle:  what's taking u soooo long babe im burnin' in here waiting for u .....

 me:  LOL
purple purple purple purple

 Sent at 7:46 PM on Wednesday





Edit... The bot returns!



 Michelle:  hey you

 Sent at 10:03 PM on Wednesday

 me:  back again already?

 Michelle:  have we chatted before? 26/female here...you?

 me:  yeah, we chatted yesterday
no sorry, actually about 3 hours ago

 Michelle:  i'm sorry ..i get to be forgetful at times!! how're you??

 me:  i'm amused

 Michelle:  Just got out of the shower...long day been kind of busy! but i'm feeling naughty! want to have some fun?

 me:  i'm always up for fun

 Michelle:  gonna change my clothes ... want to see ? 

 Sent at 10:06 PM on Wednesday

 me:  sure

 Michelle:  http://myfreecamchats.com/PGLCIPAH click the gold "Join Free" button at the top of my profile.....give it a second to load ..when you get in , I'd love for you to join me in private  ....k?

 Sent at 10:07 PM on Wednesday

 me:  you sent me a different link 3 hours ago

 Michelle:  Its http://myfreecamchats.com/GSLVJPTO just accept my cam invite,

 me:  geez bots don't even do continuity
yeah, another different link

 Michelle:  Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

 me:  haha

 Michelle:  i use this site to play on cuz i don't want to be recorded !...this site doesn't allow users to record my webcam! you know?

 me:  yeah
have you got any other form responses?

 Michelle:  credit card is just to verify your age, you'll get in for free thru my page but you need to
verify that you're an adult ...can't show ass and pussy to minors .. u know?

 me:  yeah i know, but i like boys, remember?

 Michelle:  let me know when you're done or if you need help ...i'll be gettin' ready for you ..K ?

 me:  yeah, you get ready

 Michelle:  brb.. 1 second ... got to restart my cam ...u coming?

 me:  just an fyi, i've been posting these conversations on my blog and forwarding your dialogs to the economic crimes unit for financial fraud

 Michelle:  k ur good let me know when you're in babe..

 me:  sure


 me:  sure

 Michelle:  are you in yet?

 me:  i'm going skydiving. do you like skydiving?

 Michelle:  well hey ..you better give me some "gold" when you're on the site lol..it's like a flirt and I'd love some from you ..k?

 Sent at 10:12 PM on Wednesday

 me:  what is gold? like a gold credit card?

 Michelle:  k

 me:  money

 Michelle:  there's no $$ involved!!

 me:  slut

 Michelle:  mhhm make me your slut

 me:  bitch

 Michelle:  make me your bitch

 me:  whore

 Michelle:  I'll be your whore

 me:  apple

 Michelle:  k

 me:  banana

 Michelle:  what's taking u soooo long babe im burnin' in here waiting for u .....

 me:  woman

on the bench

hi internet,

the other day i took the bus out to the grocery store/bank to do some business. i was feeling sort of thirsty, so i bought this drink that I had never tried before. it was a drink by the brand name "FUZE" and it was flavored blueberry/rasberry. the drink was really difficult to get open, but i finally managed it, after squishing my face up all tight so it looked like I needed to poo and then finally the top came off. i took one sip and was not impressed.

drink in hand, i walked accross the parking lot to the bus stop just at the end where the blacktop meets the sidewalk. there were two people sitting on the bench next to the bus stop and a third person standing and holding on to the handle of a shopping cart. all three of them looked like they had not showered in weeks. smelled like it, too.

"Hey.. uh... you wan sit down?" The woman with long brown hair and slurred speech said. She was barely audible due to the cars whizzing by.

"No, that's ok, I assured her. Do you guys want this drink?" I gestured to my drink and exteneded it towards the man, who was seated closer to me.

"Does it have LSD in it?" the man asked, he had grey hair, and dried mud all over his face.

"Yeah, I said. I put some in there on my way through the parking lot."

"Well, you would really be helping me out then!" He exclaimed.

"Oh yeah? I heard you gotta be careful with that stuff, you might have a bad trip." I offered.

"Nah, with me, I just see colors everywhere. Big, bright colors, everything looks amazing." He explained.

"Oh, well I guess that does sound like fun." I said.

"Hey, you sure do have some NICE shoes." The woman chimed in.

"Yeah, I like them a lot." I told her.

"Well, me, I just drink a lot of alcohol and smoke a lot of pot. I LOVE pot." She said.

"That's nice."

"Well, are you all ready to get on the bus?" Shopping cart man said. He startled me a bit, because before he said that, I wasn't sure if he was all there, he was just standing and staring off into space, before suddenly joining the conversation.

"Yeah" Both the man and the woman said in unison.

The bus approached and came to a stop, it  was pretty full and none of my new friends made a move to board it.

"Well, I have to go now, what are your names?" I asked.

"I'm Mark and that's Valerie, and over there is John." Mark, the grey haired man said.

"Well, I'm Mela. It was nice talking to you all. Enjoy the drink and the rest of your day." I said.

"You too" Mark said.

one thing awesome, one thing not so awesome

hi internet,

i have just finished week one of cool running's couch to 5k program. very proud of myself. 8 more weeks to go. i'm impressed with how in shape i am, my first walk/jog did not leave me dead on my feet, and I was only mildly sore the next day. and by my third walk/jog, i was jogging past the interval times, when I should have started walking. pretty awesome. I have to be careful not to push it too hard, but it's really nice to know that I'm not an extreme couch potato.

on another note, i'm going grey and i have yet to accept it. i haven't had very much disposable money lately so I have not dyed my hair and I have a lot of sliver going on up top. I still squish my face up when i look at it. stupid hair genetics, thanks mom. not.

when the cat's away

hi internet,

my roommate has been out of town for a few days and I have totally taken over her bed. it is so much more comfortable than mine is, plus both the dogs and i fit on it very comfortably. I'll be very happy when she comes back because i miss her a whole lot, but i'll be sad to have to go back to my tiny bed.

on another note, the news says that tempur pedic beds are not any good for having sex on.

well, i definitely don't want one of those anymore.

nada

hi internet,

nothing really to report today. check in tomorrow for new entry.

it's very flattering to be desired, but damn.

7:27 AM ryan: hey, how are you?
7:28 AM me: i'm great
 ryan: oh, whats your secret?
7:29 AM me: no secret
 ryan: im just teasing
7:31 AM me: well why are you talking to me still?
7:32 AM no reason for it, as we have already discussed
 ryan: i cant say hello?
 me: you said that the last time you tried this
 ryan: ok?
 me: dude, it's kinda creepy
  we've never met
  and it's may
  i talked to you online like a year ago
 ryan: alright...and?
7:33 AM just freakin block me then
  geez
  i do Im people from time to time
 me: well that's your perogative
 ryan: yeah, it is
7:34 AM me: my point is i shouldn't have to block you, you should stop talking to me on your own accord
7:35 AM ryan: i just dont think its that big of a deal
7:37 AM me: ok. but i told you to stop talking to me before this, and yet here you are again, so that tells me you don't listen to what i say, or respect my wishes
 ryan: omg, its not that serious
7:38 AM me: here you are again, disregarding what i'm saying to you
 ryan: no, its just annoying...like who cares
 me: i care.