sometimes

sometimes things happen in life that you really want to write about in your blog, but you can't write about them because it invades the privacy of someone you care about very much.

this is one of those times.

i will say that I spent much of today stewing in a murderous rage.

The great clean room adventure

Julie left this morning. I woke up early, around 6am and was feeling more chipper than usual. I decided to tackle the mess that had become my room head on.

I spent at least three hours cleaning my room and I can see the floor again! I should have taken a before and after picture. I put the twin bed mattress that Julie was sleeping on back underneath my bed and moved my dresser back up against the wall. I organized all my clothing and put all the dirty clothes in the hamper and folded all the clean ones and put them away. I threw away all the trash and cleaned out Chester's cage and put down some fresh bedding for him.

Julie came back from running last minute errands half way through my extravaganza and packed up all her things and left. She left a box of things for me to mail to her in Seattle.

I went through lots and lots of papers and organized them. I couldn't find the cd of my april 19th set though. I'm super sad about that. I hope it will turn up, but if not, the one on June 1st is being taped so I will have to make sure I keep my hot little mitts on that one.

Time to shower all this cleaning grime off of me.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH MY GOD, SO MUCH STUFF IS GOING ON!!!


I have two part time jobs, I go to school three nights a week, I do gigs as a stand up comic, sometimes I model, and I'm seeing someone. WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?!

My blackberry calendar is crying. Seriously.

It is 2 am and I should be in bed, but I don't want to go to sleep because all I do at my apartment is sleep. I wake up at 7 or 8 usually, and definitely no later than 9 and I'm out the door. Then I don't come back until 11pm or later.

I really like the school I'm going to, I enjoy the classes, but I am also already slightly bored. Oh, and that reminds me, I have to put together a presentation for class tomorrow. FRICK. My life is really exploding and this is a good thing, even though I am SCARED OUT OF MY MIND! Just think, I will have a CAREER in less than five months. Can I handle that? I HAVE NO IDEA!

I simply mention that I'm doing a comedy show and all my friends plus people I don't even know that well are all "ooh I want to go!" and I think to myself "really?" Like I have no idea why anyone would want to come see me perform.

They want to come because I am AWESOME that's why.

In closing, I would like to thank the little baby jesus for my mood stabilizer and for my mom who pays for my psychiatrist.

on being in need of a reality check

I cooked dinner. I cooked a whole chicken, potatoes, carrots and gravy. This guy I'm seeing and I made plans to meet in columbus circle and eat dinner. This didn't really work for me because I got off of work earlier and wanted to just go home, after some persuasion on his part, I agreed to meet up in columbus circle.

I got home around 6 and launched into making the chicken dinner. He texts and asks to meet at 830 instead of 9 and i say it's possible. I text at 7:15 and say the chicken wont be done in time for me to meet him at 830 and ask him to just come up to my place, he texts and asks me to call so I do.

"I wanted to meet in the park"

"I know but the oven I have doesnt work that well, so the chicken is taking longer than I thought"

"Well can we meet later?"

"I can probably be there by 9:45"

"OK"

We hang up and he calls back 5 minutes later.

"Hello?"

"Stay right there, I'll come to your apartment"

"OK"

45 minutes later, he shows up at my door. Annoyed.

In the kitchen...

"I'm annoyed"

"OK"

"I wanted to eat in the park. It wasn't so much the meal for me, but the being outside"

"Um...well, there is nothing I can really do about that now"

(there is a plate of food I prepared for him sitting on the kitchen counter, and my roommate is sitting in the next room)

I really wanted to punch him in the face for patronizing me in front of my roommate. I wanted to kick him out right then, but I also didn't want to fly off the handle and jeopardize my living situation.

I let it go and we sad down to eat

"This is really good"

"Thanks"

We continue to talk for awhile and have some good conversation. He stays for another hour and then heads home.

He calls and I pick up the phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching TV and talking to my friends."

"I hate talking to people when they are distracted."

Click.

I wait about 20 minutes to try and call him back but he doesn't pick up. Figures.

I then receive a text "Goodnight chicken and pototatoes princess"

Ugh.

Then this:

me:  i'm chillen too

dont have to be at work until 1 tomorrow so i'm taking advantage

 ttny337:  lucky

 me:  yeah i'm not always so lucky

 Sent at 12:59 AM on Tuesday

 ttny337:  true, you never got on that date with me yet

cause you are lazy lol

 me:  LOL i would not call me lazy

 ttny337:  i dunno still wondering about this hot date u promised

 me:  uh huh

well you can keep on wondering if you're going to call me lazy

i work 6 to 7 days a week

go to school three nights a week

 ttny337:  so u like sushi?

 me:  dude, let's clear up the lazy comment

that wasn't cool

if you don't wanna take it back, we can discontinue talking

 ttny337:  fine i take it back 

me:  um thanks

count me out on that date

best to you

 ttny337:  ha ok no love

how's the comedy thing going?

 

Seriously? Seriously?! *facepalm*

 

on making funnies

 Tuesday, June 1st 9:30pm @ COMIX NY 353 W 14th Street


COMIX has asked me to come back and grace the stage with my presence again! I am so excited!! I will be performing at the COMIX NY New Talent Showcase on Tuesday, June 1st at 9:30pm.

I really want all of you to come out and see me! It really, really, really, really, really means a lot to me that you dig what I am up to and I want you all to know that I could not be a comedian without you!

Details:

This is what is called a "Bringer" show. I am a new comedian, so I am required to bring 15 or more guests to the show in order to perform. It shows the club that I have a following and that I am a bookable comedian.

The COOL part about this is that when you call COMIX at 212 524 2500 and tell them you are coming to see me (Mela Nichols) you get $5.00 off the ticket price.


So, call the club ASAP to let them know you are coming out to see me, and you will pay $10 for your ticket instead of $15. Pretty freaking awesome, yeah? There is also a 2 drink minimum at the show and they don't have to be alcoholic drinks.

Hope to see you all there!!

xo

Mela

it's a quarter after three in the morning

and I am still awake.

Why?

I got in around 2:30am. I exited the train and walked passed a woman sitting on the benches on the platform, not even five seconds after I strolled on by, she puked her brains out. All I could think of as I was walking away and listening to her heaving was "Well, I am really glad that none of that shit got on me." And I continued walking towards the exit stairs sans general concern for the puking woman.


I climbed the stairs leisurely, a luxury only afforded me when it is early in the morning. God forbid I try to take a leisurely pace at rush hour, I would surely be lynched. I reach the final staircase and begin to climb it, listening to the faint sobs of a woman crying.

"Jesus Christ, what on Earth could be happening now?!" I think to myself. And I briefly pause and wonder if it would be better to exit on the other side of the station, even though it would be a farther walk to my apartment. I decide to stick with the original plan and continue to ascend the staircase.

Sparkly silver hooker heels come into view.

"Holy shit, there is a hooker sobbing at the top of the subway entrance!" My internal dialog informs me. I continue to climb, and right before I reach the top, I hear:

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry..." she sobs

The hooker is a chunky black girl, late teenage years at best, wearing a skimpy black outfit and sparkly silver six inch hooker heels. 

"What the fuck did you think you were doing? You thought I wouldn't notice?! Now, let me ask you again, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY?!" Yells a medium build, stocky, baseball cap wearing pimp. His cohort pimp standing silently beside him, cornering the hooker. 

I swiftly headed north towards my apartment, the hooker's plea's haunting me as I walked away.

on burning down the apartment

"I don't think I can talk to you anymore."

"Why?"

"Because I have a crush on you"

"OK"

"And you are my ex girlfriend's sister and you said you didn't want things to be weird between us."

"Well, I don't think it would be weird, I mean, we couldn't date, I don't have that much experience with girls anyway, it would depend of if talking to me would be weird for you."

"I.."

"I have to go the oven is on fire!"

---

"Oh my God! Where is the fire coming from?!"

J: "It looks like it's coming from underneath the oven"

Cautiously, I pull out the oven's broiler and revealed is a flaming oven mitt.

M: "Do you have a fire extinguisher?"

Me: "No. I don't think so..."

M: "Well, we could put water on it, but if it's greasy at all, that would make the fire worse."

J: "So... what do we do?"

M: We need to smother it, do you have a pan you could put over it?"

I reach for a pan and lean over to smother the fire.

M: "Wait, be careful, you don't want to burn yourself! The fire is going down, anyway."

Me: "Don't be silly, I will be careful."

I toss the pan over the flaming oven mitt, and the fire is extinguished.

Beeeeep, Beeeep, Beeeeep, Beeeep, Beeeep, the fire alarms incessantly blare.

Me: "Shit. How do we make those stop? Where is that ladder?"

My roommate emerges from his room, followed closely by his girlfriend.

Me: "The oven caught on fire, there was an oven mitt in the broiler..."

Roommate: "We need to blow the smoke away from the alarms."

J grabs a chair and pulls it over to the blaring alarms, my roommate brushes past her with a large pillow in tow, lifting the pillow and waving it furiously over his head.

The door opens, A and S walk through the door.

A: "Oh my..."

Me: "We were making cookies and there was an oven mitt in the broiler and it caught on fire."

A: "Oh my God, I was walking through the hallway and I smelled smoke and I thought someone's apartment was on fire and then I was all 'Oh my God, it's our apartment and nobody is home!!'"

Me: "We handled it."

this and that, a tit for tat

Sitting on the uptown D train, I hear the conductors voice come over the loud speaker:

"Ladies and Gentleman, the emergency brake has been pulled on the A train in front of us, we are stuck here until they move."

Loud groans fill the car, inaudible radio conversations emanate from the conductors cabin in the train, several minutes pass.

"Ladies and Gentleman, the conductor on the A train is currently walking through his train to see what tripped the emergency brake."

More inaudible radio conversations.

"The A train should be moving shortly."

I have ridden the NYC subway trains for five years. This is the first time I have been in a situation where I was behind a train that had the emergency brake pulled. One time I was heading to Brooklyn and the train I was on pulled into the station just as another train was pulling in across the platform and the emergency brake got pulled on that train because two people over there had begun to throw punches.

Another time I was on on the way to school and there was a breakdown in the signaling system and I was stuck underground for nearly an hour, and I nearly missed the final that was scheduled for that day in my Spanish class.

Lastly, I was on an uptown F train when we pulled into 14th street and the conductor opened the doors and told us all to get out because the doors were malfunctioning.

Considering all the other times I have ridden the subway have been a smooth ride, that's a pretty impeccable track record.

in transition

I got a new job. That's all I'm going to write about that in this blog. I don't want to get in to any trouble. I start school on May 18th. The school is being funded and my caseworker is sending an application for a reduced fare metro card for me to fill out and mail to the MTA.

This is an interesting period of transition for me.  I used to kick and scream whenever anyone suggested that I should get some kind of help, like sign up for a reduced fare metro card or live in supportive housing or go on SSI or SSDI. I used to think they were jerks and that they didn't really know me.


I am slowly warming to the idea of applying for a reduced fare card. I mean, I AM entitled to one, and it WOULD save me a hell of a lot of money on transportation in the city. I don't think I would ever live in supportive housing though. No, thank you. I know there are different levels of supportive housing and all that, but I would not want to live ANYWHERE that there was a curfew or where I had a case worker or anything like that. I am too highly functioning for such things.

I should explain some things for people who may read this blog who don't know my story or who I don't see in my day to day life and aren't privy to what I am talking about or are probably saying "Huh?" right about now. It would be cathartic for me to type it out, I think.


Ahem.

I have Cerebral Palsy:

Cerebral palsy is condition, sometimes thought of as a group of disorders that can involve brain and nervous system functions such as movement, learning, hearing, seeing, and thinking.
There are several different types of cerebral palsy, including spastic, dyskinetic, ataxic, hypotonic, and mixed.


Symptoms of cerebral palsy can be very different between people with this group of disorders. Symptoms may:

• Be very mild or very severe
• Only involve one side of the body or both sides
• Be more pronounced in either the arms or legs, or involve both the arms and legs

For those of you who know me personally, this information is not new to you, but for those of you who don't, I have a mild form of CP, it involves the left side of my body, and my leg is slightly more affected than my arm. The right side of my body is completely unaffected in the limbs.

My CP causes me to walk with a slight limp, and there are a few learning disorders that I deal with because of my CP, the definitions of which I will copy and paste from www.thearrowsmithschool.org

10. Kinesthetic Perception 

This is the capacity for perception of where both sides of the body are in space. The following are features of a problem in this capacity.
The person has limited awareness of where one or both sides of his body are in space. He has a tendency to bump into objects, doorways, etc. with the affected side of the body.

When driving a car the person is less aware of one side of the car than the other. This can result in scratching the car more frequently on one side, taking corners too wide and driving too close to either the right or left side of the road.

The person is less aware of where his hands and fingers are when cutting with a knife or using tools and as a result may injure himself more often than other people.

If the problem is severe the person may hurt himself on the impaired side and be less aware of where the pain is coming from.

If the problem occurs in the writing hand there is uneven pressure and the person wanders on and off the line when writing.

In more severe cases there is an inability to recognize objects through a sense of touch. A person can not distinguish between his keys or lighter when feeling in his pocket.

There may be some degree of awkwardness of body movement.

There is also less articulated mouth movement which results in some speech slurring.

14. Object Recognition 

This is the capacity for recognizing and remembering the details of visual objects. A weakness in this capacity is indicated by the following characteristics.

A person with this problem takes longer to visually recognize and locate objects that he is looking for. There is difficulty finding items when shopping. The person walks by an item several times before he recognizes it. The person also has trouble locating something in a refrigerator.

A manager of a drugstore with this problem had great difficulty learning to recognize his products and remember their locations in the store.

The person has trouble remembering visual cues such as landmarks to help in the process of remembering the location of places.

The person has trouble recognizing and remembering faces and will miss details in facial expressions both of which cause social and interpersonal problems.

The person has trouble remembering the visual details of pictures.

15. Spatial Reasoning 

Spatial reasoning is the capacity to imagine a series of moves through space inside your head before executing them. The following are examples of weak functioning of this capacity.

The person has difficulty visualizing a pathway of movements inside his head. This would result in some difficulty in finding his way through space because the person cannot work out a map inside his head of how to get from one place to another. As a result the person frequently gets lost or takes much longer to get from one place to another. In some cases the person becomes phobic and avoids going anyplace new because of a fear of getting lost. This difficulty applies even to small spaces like tracing out pathways on circuit boards.

When map reading the person has to rotate the map to orient towards the direction he is going. He cannot rotate the map inside his head.

The person does not have a map of how space works inside his head. Several people with this problem report that they cannot imagine how streets connect with one another.

The person forgets spatially where he has left objects resulting in loss of the object or spending extra time trying to find objects.

The person's workspace tends to be messy and disorganized with material stacked in various piles within line of sight. This is because the person cannot imagine how to organize his space. If he puts something away in a filing cabinet or drawer he later has trouble imagining in his head where it is.

The person has more trouble navigating in crowded space because he cannot map a plan of how to get around obstacles ahead of time.

In driving a car the person has trouble planning his moves ahead of time and also has difficulty anticipating the future movements of other cars on the road.

A person with this problem is poor at imagining moves ahead in a game such as checkers or chess. They tend to react to the other person's moves as they happen rather than developing a series of planned moves.

In any sports activity requiring a spatial plan of movements (e.g., planning how you are going to ski from the top of the hill to the bottom, anticipating the movement of the tennis ball and planning where to place yourself on the court to hit it) the person is at a disadvantage.

There is difficulty imagining inside the head different ways to arrange furniture in a room. The person has to physically move the furniture in order to find the best arrangement.

There is difficulty in constructing geometric figures.

16. Mechanical Reasoning 

A person with a mechanical reasoning problem has difficulty in imagining how machines operate and in effectively handling and using tools.

These are the things that I deal with every day, and for the most part, I have been successful in putting in place coping mechanisms that I use so that these are barely recognizable to the people around me, unless they are really studying me. I am slick like that.

I also have an eye condition, and it is called Intermittent Exotropia:

What is Intermittent Exotropia?
Exotropia -- a common type of strabismus -- is the outward deviation of an eye (eye turns away from the nose). When the eye turns outward only some of the time, it is called intermittent exotropia. Most exotropia is intermittent. In many cases, the eye turn might only be visible during stressful situations or when the person is tired, ill or anxious.
Pros: Advantages of Intermittent Eye Turn
When the eye turn is only occasional, the visual system (including the brain) still has many opportunities to develop. That is, as long as the eyes are straight some of the time, the brain and two eyes will develop some normal functioning (binocular vision and depth perception). Consequently, good possibilities for the development of improved vision in the future will still be present.
Cons: Disadvantages of Intermittent Eye Turn
When the eye turn happens some of the time, but not all the time, the outside observer(s) might conclude that there is no serious problem and fail to seek help. Or they might think the person is simply daydreaming, lazy, or not paying attention. Even worse, without knowing that there is a physical problem, the observer might feel uneasy or mistrustful of the person with intermittent exotropia who gives poor eye contact and comes off as distracted or "shifty-eyed."
In regards to diagnosis, the intermittent exotropia can also be tough for the eye doctor to catch. For example, the parents might notice the child's occasional eye turn, bring the kid in for an exam, and then the eye doctor won't be able to find it or induce it. In that case, the eye turn is not showing up during the "command performance" of the eye exam because the child is making an extra effort to pay attention, be "on good behavior," please the adults, etc. This in not unlikely with the child who only has the eye turn when fatigued, ill, etc. Miscellaneous clue: children with intermittent exotropia often close their eye in bright sunlight.

 And there you have it, my dear readers. I'm all exposed and I feel naked. But, it feels good to really put it out there for everyone to see. I'm done trying to conceal it all the time. This is who I am. This is what I deal with. I know that I do not have to be at the effect of the disabilities that I have, rather I choose to take responsibility for them. 

All the times that I have conversations saying that I will never find anyone who will love me for me because I limp or because I have wandering eyes are going to end immediately. 

And all the conversations I have saying that people don't hire me because I limp or because I have wandering eyes are also going to stop immediately. 

Life is too short for me to be whining about this crap.

Now, who wants to go on a date?

xo.

talking to my little bro

As I mentioned before, my little brother is currently hiking the entire length of the AT, from Georgia to Maine. He is currently about an hour outside of Ashland, NC and he called me around 10:30 this morning to say hello from our mutual friend's house.

He sounded happy and I am glad. He said he is really in shape and told me stories of hitchhiking. I told him that he should not do that and he said that he had already hitchhiked about eight times. I told him to be careful and to buy some mace and carry it with him. He says he doesn't need it and then he said:

"Well, when I was staying at this hostel that is right on the trail in Georgia, this older guy was there and he wasn't hiking the trail he was just at the hostel, but he was talking to all of us. He started talking to this girl and he asked her what she had and she said she had some mace and he said 'Oh, well that doesn't work on me'"

And there was an awkward silence and then the guy said:

"Oh, I used to be a repo man"

Hysterical.

He says that when he gets done with the trail, he is going to move to NYC and become a bike messenger. Cheers to that.