Stalkers.

Yesterday, when I was on my way to a diner downtown to meet up with a friend, I got a text from an unknown number that read:

"Hi Mela. How are you?"

"Hi. Who is this?"

"This is Sammy from okcupid"

"From how long ago?"

Sammy: "Remember me?"

Sammy: "I don't know :)"

Me: "I don't remember you, sorry"

Sammy: "You don't wanna talk?"

- four minutes pass with no response -

Sammy: "?"

Me: "On the train"

Sammy: "Can you call me later?"

Me: "Who are you, though? How long ago did we talk on okcupid?"

Sammy: "I really don't know. And also we never talked on the phone before, I got your number when I was checking my contact list"

- three minutes pass -

Sammy: "You wanna know each other?"

- three minutes pass -

Sammy: "No?"

Me: "I don't effing know who you are!"

Sammy: "You wanna know me better?"

- eight minutes pass -

During this time, I met up with my friend and we walked to the diner together and I started filling him in on the Sammy situation. I asked him if he would like to respond to Sammy and he giggled and reached for my phone.

Sammy: "Yes?"

Friend as me: "Hey Sammy-seriously, are you high? Wake up from a coma? On the end of a crack bender? Who the fuck does this? Are you that hard up to get laid? Call a PRO!"

- six minutes pass -

Sammy: "No. I know you from okcupid your nickname is melaniose there. And I wanna meet with you in person."

Friend as me: "Well, in that event, I suggest you get a big bag of crack and call a fucking hooker. Leave me alone. I have no fucking interest in meeting your dumb ass."

Sammy: "I meant for a coffee or something"

Sammy: "Why did you give me your number before?"

Friend as me: "Dude. I have no idea, neither do you. So let's just agree that we are NEVER EVER EVER GOING TO MEET! Lose my number. I will look up some hookers when I get home."

-one hour passes -

Sammy: "Any hookers?"

Friend as me: "Yes. Do you prefer trans-sexual hookers? Do you mind if they don't look like a man but you may be surprised? I don't know any personally, but you need to get laid."

End.

Then, I got a text from a guy who has been texting and calling me, to no response, periodically ever since our first and only date in January. I told him I was not interested in a second date but he persisted, even calling me from a private number.

He sent a text on April 9th that read:

"Hey u i hope ur well want to hang for a drink"

I was relieved when I didn't hear from him but low and behold, yesterday while at the diner with my friend he sent:

"How are u stranger hope all is good with u"

Friend as me: "Patrick. The reason you refer to me as stranger is because I don't want to know you. You aren't for me. Take a hint. If you need to get laid, call a hooker."

The end.